If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
