Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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