Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
