He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
