Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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