She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
