K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
