you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
