If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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