I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
