K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
