I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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