you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
