oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
