let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
