I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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