also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
