Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
