What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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