I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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