2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
