Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
