Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
