trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
