people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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