I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
