Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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