it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
