i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
