Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
