Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
