i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
