She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
