i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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