She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
pray to the hookup gods
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
