Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
