he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
