Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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