i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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