my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
