Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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