When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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