my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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