I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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