i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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