Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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