i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
