You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These tits shall not be calmed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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