theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
