final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need a beard to bite.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
