you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
