You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
