i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
