So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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