Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
