i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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